Love rendition

So easily I forget the freedom that lies right in front of me. So easily I fight to unlock the shackles I bear, overlooking the key that Jesus has freely given to me. I say “freely”, but that freedom was bought at such a high price. I forget that the water He gives quenches every thirst. I forget that His ear is bent to hear me. My faith shakes, and my heart breaks, and every day, from dawn to dusk, my God stands faithful and waiting. On the bright side of brokenness, lies Jesus.

I wish I could say my Bible was worn at the seams. I wish I could say I don’t continuously hit the snooze button, making excuses to sleep through my morning quiet time with the Lord. My head doesn’t bow in prayer as often as it should, and my hands hang at my sides while they should be lifted in praise. I let myself get swallowed up by the world, kind of like Jonah getting swallowed by the whale, only on much drier terms.

Most days my heart cries for order.

Recently I found myself stuck in a rut. A deep rut, similar to a pot hole after an ice storm. I got lost in the comparison game, only to come out as the loser. Days were long, and nights longer. The pot hole became a sink hole. As I spent a couple days restlessly battling the chaos within me, I gave in and handed my greed over to God. I said, “Father, I’m exhausted. I’m selfish and jealous for so many things.” And I was. I had a calloused heart for a good week, trying to make jealousy a prettier trait than it is. Despite my efforts, there just wasn’t any justifying my feelings. I ran to Jesus, and called His Name. I remembered the freedom in front of me. I remembered that chains are broken and shackles fall to our feet when we call upon our gentle Father. With these realizations, God plucked me out of the rut, and paved over the pot hole. With closed eyes and folded hands, I called on Him, only minutes before How He Loves came on my Pandora station. The first line, “He is jealous for me,” echoed in my ears, resonating with a new meaning. I had heard this song before, too many times to count, but this time I heard Jesus, not David Crowder. “I am jealous for you,” He whispered, “I long for you.” Oh, amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

He is jealous for me. The Maker of everything in sight, the One who hung the stars and carved the mountains, is jealous for me. I am cherished and I am pursued by a Love that outdoes all the rest. I am enveloped in His grace, sealed tight like a love letter sent to free a debtor. I imagine God peeling and sticking a stamp to the corner of a grace-filled envelope, before putting the flag up on the mailbox. Heaven’s mailroom must be filled to the brim with envelopes of the same sort. Although I’d like to picture it that way, grace is stamped with Christ’s blood, something far more precious. 

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13 thoughts on “Love rendition

  1. Sara, I do not even have the words to tell you how beautiful that piece was. I am in awe. I don’t even know what to say. You are an “incredibly” gifted writer and I sincerely hope that you are planning on writing a book, if you haven’t already.

    The fact that you said, “I am cherished” just about gave me chills. I was in the sex industry most of my adult life and am deeply involved in a ministry called, “We Are Cherished” which is exclusively for girls like me who have been strippers… Many have been escorts too and most have suffered from unspeakable addictions and have tragic histories of sexual abuse. We girls are called “butterflies”. We are loved extravagantly with the “true” love of Christ by our leader and founder, Polly Wright and a host of volunteers who serve as mentors to us. I would like to share this piece you wrote with the girls as it just fits the theme and mission of our ministry beyond measure.

    I am also going to re-blog this. This is significant because I am not much of a re-blogger! lol! I’ll be honest, it’s hard to move me like I was moved when reading your words. Thank you from the bottom of my soul. I have struggled with insecurity, jealousy, and feelings of inferiority today more than you know. I am on day 20 of a 40 day fast and the enemy has troubled me greatly in the last 24 hours. Your words were a fresh word from God that rejuvenated my spirit and reminded me the truth about how loved I am by Him. He is enough.

    xoxo,
    Ava

    • I’ve sat here rereading your comment too many times to count, and through it, God is reminding me of all the things my heart needs retold. I’m reminded that this fight we fight is a good one, and if the fire in our heart sparks a flame in someone else’s, it’s well worth it. I’m reminded that if we surrender ourselves to Him, He’s sure to use us. Very seldom does a person come along like you, one who deeply experiences Jesus through my words, with a longing for more. And if I’m gifted, thank you, that would be the good works of our Father. I have not yet written a book, but your hopes for me are far more encouraging than I can tell you. Thank you, sweet girl. I will write a book, and your name will be on the dedication page, along with We Are Cherished. Mark my words, I will. I’m humbled that you’re sharing this with your beautiful group of women, I would love to write something for you guys. I will be praying for you, that God will bless this organization and plant great seeds through you. I will read Polly’s book as soon as I can get my hands on it. I’m just as in awe of you, as you are of me. You have been a blessing to me, sister. Love you already, stay in touch.

      Sara

      • You are just darling. I am kind of in the pit right now… and I feel far from God’s love and grace. Of course, we know that being far from His love and grace is a lie from the pit of hell. Thank you for reminding me of that.

  2. Hello Sara,
    I am one who just found your blog, from ones that word press suggested to me. And so glad I did.
    Beautiful words I just read, touching my heart with your sincerity and love.
    God Bless you Sara as you continue on your God given path….
    Jerry

  3. What a beautifully convicting post! I can not explain how much the David Crowder Band song “How He Loves Me” continues to renew my faith long after my first time hearing it.

    “He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.” – this is a beautiful truth! He loves us all and is jealous for our attention. He deserves all of our undivided attention! We are but bending tress under the weight of His Mercy & Grace – we are helpless without You Lord – Glory to God!

    God bless you!

    Jennifer – I Give God All The Glory

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